you win again, gameday.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We are all done wearing pants today
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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