I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
