Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
