i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
