so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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