I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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