He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
