I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
