the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My feet surprised me
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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