My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
