did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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