It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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