Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
