I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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