How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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