so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
