I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
