im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
