I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
