Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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