My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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