My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
