It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
