it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
