did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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