she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
