Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
