I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
