Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Jerry, you need to find god
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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