Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
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