Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
