PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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