We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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