If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
