just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
