he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Even my vagina gasped.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize