So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
