Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
