So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
