We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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