So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
