For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
