he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
