Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
how drunk are you?
Several
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
