You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
