Swine flu. Run for my life!
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
