Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
