She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
