Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
