Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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