Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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