Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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