she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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