he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
