dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
