I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize