My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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