ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
