ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Enjoy the penises
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
