I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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