I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
