went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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