Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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