I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
