He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
