Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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