Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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