Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
