theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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