if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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