I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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