The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
