I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
