When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
