Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
