He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
