i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
