He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
