Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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