Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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