I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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