mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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