I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
