I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
