I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize