I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Found your dick twin last night
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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