My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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