All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
