We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
